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Let your Mess be your Message

Yesterday marked 30 days since I have returned home to the states, after living out of the country for a total of six months.  From the chaos to New York, the peaceful Mountains of Jamaica, the long plains of Belize to the serenity of Costa Rica I learned lessons that will forever hold value in my life.  Honestly, I have avoided processing the trip, scrolling through pictures or talking too much out of fear I will miss it even more than I already do.  I’ve been afraid I will do an injustice in trying to sum it up in words, that if I think about it too much I’ll have a harder time acclimating to our Westernized culture. However, I have been thankful for the friends and family who have supported me in my time of finding a new “normal” amidst my old stopping grounds.  I give even greater thanks to God, who in my periods of rest I have found great comfort.  Country after country we shared the message of Ephesians 4, “There is one body and one Spirit….one Lord, one faith, one
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Finding my Faith

“Follow your heart”, “Just do what you think is right” are two common themes young millennials pass around today.  How many Christians do you know who show up to church on Sunday’s, after a week full of slandering words, deceitful lies or nights of partying?  Our relationship with Christ becomes merely a check off box, an act of going with the motions.   As inviting as the “Follow your heart message” is it can be devastating to our spiritual lives. Our salvation comes from our faith, not our feelings (Ephesians 2:8).  Feelings & emotions are inconsistent, continuously changing due to the tides of circumstances around us.  Before we even realize it we become victims to our own thoughts which often lead us to making ungodly, unwise, self-centered decisions.  Instead of dying to self, and surrendering daily we spend our time trying to desperately control our failings, fighting for the next fleeting pleasure. Maybe we do set a day, cup of coffee in hand, bible in lap- ready to
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Learning to CLING

At first I gave my life to God during a time of deep grief.  I needed a reason to believe there was something bigger and stronger than the pain I was feeling. As time went on I continued in my "faith."  When times were good I praised Him. In times of pain I questioned him, yet I never truly felt the same as the night I first surrendered to Him. It seemed through the ups and downs I began to slowly drift away. It wasn't util I stepped out of my comfort zone and saw how others all around the world were worshipping the same God that I began to question my faith.  My seemingly solid faith. It seemed their priorities were every different than mine. When I struggled to go to church once a week, they managed to go every night. When we were called to open our bibles, I flipped to the table of contents while others were already finished reciting the verse.  Their commitment was far greater than mine.  Their willingness to surrender came with willing hearts. How truly comm
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Faith Vs. Fear

My time in Jamaica has been spent learning, growing and loving. God has been working on my heart continuously. I came into this trip with the misguided mindset of a new start, and new beginning. There is this assumption that when you leave an environment you are in all the pieces will fall together, clicking into this seemingly happy perfect life.  What better way to feel joy than living a life whole heartedly being present in relationships? Being able to love, and share about Jesus. However, in the last month this mentality has drastically shifted.  God's love, and His grace has become a steadfast part of where I am. Like a pacemaker, God has become my lifeline. Life gets crazy, messy and it can be hard, but it also can be a whirlwind of uncountable laughs, and times of joy.   The pace of Western culture is fast, every second of the day is strategically planned out. To allow someone to help, or rely on involves time. Ultimately it is a call for greater trust. If you
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Bittersweet Goodbyes

         We ended Jamaica with a splash, enjoying a day of Cliff jumping and fun. I've told myself that I will not struggle in leaving, that I won't cry like others say they will. Yet, as we begin to pack our bags this little sinking feeling has begun to form deep in my stomach. The same feeling I felt when I left my home for the last time in May. The same feeling when we were driven from the Salvation Army in New York to the airport. And now- that same feeling as we begin to say our goodbyes. A feeling of sadness, mixed with a little anxiety but above all the desire to stay "just a little longer." I have learned that when you let down the barriers of "us" and "them"- relationships begin to form and pretty soon a place that felt so foreign now feels like home.  I'm going to miss long talks on the back porch with my host brother Biggs. The long and dreaded hike of Rich man hill and the many times slipping in the rain. I'm going to
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A God of Second Chances

The last two weeks have consisted of a whirlwind of emotions, unexpected experiences and countless growing opportunities. This week I said yes more times than I ever thought the word no. When I doubted myself, and my abilities I chose to jump in. I was ready to fail, be rejected and mess up- but instead God caught me and taught me. He lifted me from my insecurities and showed me a new way to love Him and serve Him. If someone asked me where I thought I would be a year from now I never would have pictured myself here. Teaching Sunday school to squirming wide eyed distracted kids after a 30 minute uphill walk. Thankfully kids have a way of looking past frazzled hair and bright red faces. I never would have imagined myself leading a message/devotional to multiple people. I would never have seen myself reading God's word late at night, eagerly waiting for my host brother to hurry up and finish his movie so I could tell Him of what I was reading. I never envisioned myself
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Dance Party Ice Breakers

I'm currently sitting in a hot van, on my way down the windy mountainside. I haven't been able to sit down and right a thoughtful well written blog so please excuse my scattered rambles.  The more we settle into Jamaica the more we have been able to gain valuable relationships in the community. Unlike other mission trips where you come and do a lot of manual labor, we are here for an extended period of time. This gives us the opportunity to truly get to know the community, build relationships and share about Jesus in a way that we would be unable to do with a strict schedule.  This being said, it isn't always easy. Coming from a culture that is very goal oriented, progress driven, and strict with time has created a deeply embedded go go go mentality. It's as though my internal clock is having to be re-wired. This has made it especially difficult at times when we're being called to just sit in relationship, in the presence of God.  I'd love to sit he
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